~ I would love to introduce you to Tamara. She writes over at Adoption Mama Blog. She was one of the first adoption mommas I ran across as we began our journey. Her encouragement and friendship have meant so much to me. She was also behind the Adoption Prayer Box Swap, which was such an encouragement to my heart! She is going to share her amazing story with you and I know you’ll enjoy reading it! ~
The Lovely Sarah has allowed me to share my family’s adoption journey with you today. Thank you Sarah!
I am Tamara and I write at Adoption Mama Blog. I have officially been married 10 years this past August (whoo hoo!) to my husband Mark. Together we have been blessed to grow our family through adoption twice, our first son Teo is now 6 and our second son Rome is 3. Which officially makes me a boy mom. Something I never envisioned I could handle but as time goes on I realize that the Lord knew I needed boys, they worked fast and hard to soften up my parenting expectations. Which I am sure our future daughter will benefit from a lot.
Yup, I said future daughter….we are on the wait list again to hopefully one day soon be chosen by a birth mother. We decided that this will probably be the last time we go through the adoption process and I just can’t let my heart give up on the hope for a daughter. So we decided to be specific this time and request to only be shown to birth mothers that know they are expecting a girl. This may sound crazy, and even callous (I know it seems like a strange request) but we see it as a “benefit” to our infertility.
And so we wait, as of now the wait for our daughter has been about 2 ½ years. We were warned that it would take longer (considering our special request) as they can’t show our profile to any birthmother. But for now our boys have been distraction enough to let the years slip by.
Let me rewind 7 years and start at the beginning 😉 As a Canadian I find it odd explaining the beginnings of our adoption story to any Americans that may be reading. You see, we opted for International Adoption to grow our family. But for us International meant adopting from the US! Which of course is similar to a domestic adoption except there is more paperwork involved.
One of the most common questions I receive is why we chose to adopt across the border.
To answer that I would say that as much as Adoption was on both our hearts, my husband and I were still timid to some of the risks involved with adoption. Honestly the whole idea of parenting was such a new thing for us we were scared to jump in with a toddler. So we decided since other families get to figure out how to be parents with an infant it was also how we wanted to discover parenthood.
This brought us to the conclusion that for our first adoption the domestic route was probably a good option for us.
Soon after we found out the scary news, in Alberta the birth mother has 10 days to change her mind about the adoption. This is something that seems great for the birth mother and so I really have no argument against it, however my heart just couldn’t handle thinking that we might have to give up our child on day 9 of having them in our home. So when we found out we could adopt an infant from the states we were thrilled! Never had that crossed our minds as an option. Of course each state has different expectations and laws that you need to abide by. But the American agency that our Canadian agency worked with only had a 48 hour “change their minds” time frame. It still made me nervous but it was better than 10 days!
So that is how we started the process of adoption from the states.
Long story short, we waited 2 years to adopt our first son and it was a perfect experience. All the social workers told us how lucky we were and how unusual the circumstances were. We got the phone call that our birth mother was in labour and she demanded that we get flights down immediately. Normally the adoption agency encourages you not to do that until the 48 hour wait time is up but because of our wonderful birth mother we flew down right away. We were blessed to be holding our son Teo in the hospital at only a little over a day old! On day two he already came back to our hotel with us and after a week we were able to fly home with Teo. It was amazing!
After this the laws changed and with that came a different experience for our second adoption. We decided to go with the same agency as we had experienced such a perfect adoption the first time around. But now there were a lot more hoops to jump through. We knew we would not get to fly down right away as we had with Teo which was disappointing but not something that would stop us from adopting this way again.
We waited 17 months before we were matched again. Unfortunately this match was not meant to be. The birth mother ended up changed her mind when her son was born. But a month after this failed adoption we were thrilled to find out that we were matched again! I look back on this time and see God’s hands at work. Molding us to prepare our home, our hearts and our son Teo for the arrival of another son. A true blessing in disguise.
This time we had to wait for paperwork to travel through both the US & Canadian governments before we were allowed to fly down to meet our sweet son. So Rome ended up in the care of a wonderful foster family for the one week we could not be with him. It still bugs me that I missed this time with him, but the foster family took pictures for us which I appreciate and cherish.
We flew to our sweet son as quickly as we could and were able to meet Rome at the adoption agency. This time due to laws we had a two week stay in a hotel with a baby. But it was a bonding experience I would never take back. A special time where Mark didn’t go to Work, I didn’t have to cook, and sleep came and went with our son’s needs. Perfection.
I know this third adoption will be different again, with years comes change. I am sure laws have changed again but that is something we will figure out when the time comes.
This time I am excited because we will be taking our two son’s along. They already know what adoption is all about, but to experience it, it just can’t be explained. I am filled with emotion already thinking about the time when they get to meet their sister. Oh, how thrilled they will be. Waiting as long as we have already may “fly” by as an adult but I know our boys are thinking that this wait is forever!
Sarah, I hope you are holding your daughter in your arms soon. I pray there are no more delays so you don’t have to miss another moment of your daughter’s days. May God protect you during your travels and may you enjoy the expansion of your heart as it grows to encompass another child in your family. Oh what a beautiful, tearful, amazing feeling it is to have your heart expand in such a way.
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