5 Steps to Finding (and Keeping) Friendships

5 Steps to finding (and keeping) friendships _ _ Sarah E. Frazer __ friendship quotes __ friendship pictures

Being a mom sometimes means you give up some things.  Taking showers. Putting on real clothes. Make-up.  Some days it just doesn’t happen.  It might be 2:00 before I hop into the steamy quiet.  As mothers, we give up fitting into those jeans from college. We forgo reading a good book.  Our neat and tidy house is long gone.  One thing that should not be abandoned when you become a mother is friendships.

We all know we need community. Let’s be honest.  Some days I just don’t want to change out of my yoga pants. (Which by the way, have never been to yoga). How do I make time for friendships when I’m covered in spit up?

1. Be purposeful.  Hebrews 10:25 says that we are not to neglect fellowship and community in order to “encourage one another.” Don’t just make friends to have them: give your friendships a purpose.  Make friends in order to build each other up.  Not to gossip.  Not to vent. Friendships are there to make us stronger and move us closer to Christ.

2. Not all friendships are created equal.  Remember that friendships flow in and out of seasons. That’s ok. A few years ago I lost a few childhood friends.  A wonderful woman told me, “You will have maybe one or two friends that last a lifetime. One of those will be your husband.” I have found that to be so true. Instead of lamenting the fact that I’m no longer close to some people, I move on and invest in those women who are in my life now. Not all of your friends need to be close friends either.  Levels of friendships are ok.

3. Keep sharing your heart. Friendship means honesty.  Be discerning, but be open as well. If you are smiling and happy all of the time with everyone in your life, you are not being genuine. Be real with some people. Honest with your struggles. There should be some women in your life with whom you can open up and share your feelings. Friends who cry together laugh together. Share it all with a few trusted women in your life.  Your heart is safe because God holds your heart.  Be willing to share – even if you have been hurt in the past.  Love is worth the risk. The benefits you reap from sharing your heart are more than you can count!

4. It is vital to your Spiritual growth. Christian friendships will be able to show you Christ. It is true that iron sharpens iron. They can lead you to His love when you are struggling with guilt. They will cheer you on and pick you up when you fail. Friendship is one of the major components of Christian growth. We can share our joys and sorrows. But if all we do is say, “That’s nice.” and not offer to lean into each other and promise to help, it is a waste. Friendships can be just the tool God uses to show Himself to you. Dig in and make time for those friends in your life.

5. It is worth the time spent. Time with friends is priceless.  Make the effort to spend it.  Yes, be cautious about the type of friendships you have, but also invest.  Invest your heart into those women around you who will build you up.  From experience, I can say it is worth the investment. The growth, the encouragement, and the way friendships can point us to Christ is worth the time we spend.

You might have put on jeans and brush your hair.  But you don’t have to clean your house.  You might have to fix a cup of coffee. But you don’t have to fix a meal. Friendship does take effort, but those friendships that last become effortless over time.

Here are a few posts on friendship that I found so encouraging!

Friendship is Worth the Fight Pt. 1  & Friendship is Worth the Fight Pt. 2

The Importance of Sisterhood and Friendship

Iron Sharpening Friendships

Finding Friends Who Pursue Us

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Take a moment today and send her a text, an email, or mail her a sweet note letting her know you love and appreciate her! Whether you saw that friend this morning, or last year – let her know how much you need and value her!

 

lonely


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27 Comments

  1. Thank you for this wonderful post! When I get deep into a writing project (as I am now), I tend to neglect my friendships, and I really miss that connection. This was very timely for me. One of my very best friends is Amber, and I love her because we can vent with one another, but we also dig into Scripture and encourage one another in our relationships with our husbands and with our children. She is a light in my life.

  2. Yes! My husband is my best friend! And other friends do come and go. Good friends are important for our spiritual well-being and pursuing them despite brokenness can be difficult, but it’s worth it.

  3. I have been pondering this a lot lately. I am in a season of very little fellowship with friends. My friends lives have become very busy, and we rarely get together or talk. I admit this does make me sad at times.

    I’m outgoing around friends, but more shy when it comes to new situations and people. The new church we are attending is also about 40 minutes from our home and makes it harder to be intentional in fellowship and friendships because of the distance.

    Your post has given me food for thought and encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone to be more intentional and let the Lord work out the details of the distance.

    Thanks for sharing!

    1. Karen,
      I understand – and I’ve been there too. Sometimes seasons of life bring a time of loneliness. And that’s ok too – but if we feel the nudge from God to venture out and seek help and encouragement, we won’t be disappointed. I will pray that God will lead just the right woman(women) in your life! And distance doesn’t have to be a factor – one of my best friends (for life!) lives over six hours away. We are intentional by sending little notes and taking the time to make phone calls!
      Thanks for reading. 🙂

    2. Karen, I understand exactly what you mean. Friendships are difficult to maintain especially during certain seasons. I believe the Lord does want us to be in fellowship with others because it helps us to grow spiritually. I pray that the Lord will place women in your life that you can start to cultivate friendships with and build each other up.

  4. Such wonderful reminders. Friendship is so important to me but I also put effort into it because I know how easy it is for everyone to neglect spending time together. Stopping by from EmberGrey’s Grateful Heart Link up. Have a Great Week.

  5. Hey Sarah,

    I came over on RaRa today, and I really appreciate your post.

    What wise words on how to find great friendships. I like this quote, “Friendships can be just the tool God uses to show Himself to you. Dig in and make time for those friends in your life.”

    Hope you have a blessed day today,
    Melanie

    1. Thank you Melanie – I’ve found that God uses those around me to encourage me daily! I pray I do the same for them!
      Thanks for reading!

  6. To answer your question …my cousin Mary Jo. We live three hours from one another and don’t see each other as often as we would like. Yet we talk a few times a week for hours sometimes to catch up. She may be family, but she is my best friend. She makes me laugh, cry, vent, advise and just be me. She’ll tell me when I need to straighten up and she’ll encourage me when I’m down. Her prayers for me so many years ago were answered the day I received Christ into my life. We have a bond that not even death will break because we know we’ll be together for eternity.

    1. Michelle,
      Me too~ One of my best friends lives several hours away! But she always encourages me when we talk!

  7. I love the ideas you put forth in this post!!! I really want my readers to know about this too! I want to share this in my weekly series called “Roll Out The Red Carpet Thursday” – I share bloggers’ amazing posts that I’ve found during the week. I hope that’ ok! Have a great night!

  8. What a great post. I have a few favorite friends though they are far away since we moved last summer. Today I’ll name Rose. I love Rose because she has a tender heart, she is an encourager, and we have shared many highs and lows together. Her best quality is that she loves to laugh and she makes me laugh!
    Blessings to you,
    Patti

  9. Yes, this is so true! I am not yet a momma, but I do appreciate these tips for my own life too. “Be purposeful” and “Keep sharing your heart” – YES! My best friend and I are now long-distance best friends, but let me tell you we still practice both of these tips. True community is so worth it. Thanks for sharing.

  10. I think for me I go through phases in life where I have friends when I need them but then times when I know I need them but I make excuses about life being busy or I find “other things” to occupy my time, like blogging instead of building those relationships or new ones. Thanks so much for your post Sarah, it was very inspiring. Thank you for linking up to “Bloggers Who Have Inspired Me” this past week.
    Rachel

  11. I have 2 best friends & they’re both named Sarah 🙂 One I’ve known since 1st grade – she’s the one that knows all my craziness & loves me anyway 🙂 You know the joke about the good friend bailing you out of jail & the best friend sitting next to you saying “boy that was fun!” Lol that’s her 🙂 We can go years without seeing each other & weeks without talking, but always pick right back up where we left off.
    I met my other Sarah through my husband – they were friends in college. We have so much in common & complement each other well. I’m the creative messy one & she’s the organized one. Except that we are rubbing off on each other 🙂 I just reorganized my whole kitchen & her new favorite hobby is painting/restoring old furniture! We text throughout each day – our homemaking goals, encouragement, dreams for the future, etc. In my husband’s sermon last week, he said that true friends bring us closer to Christ & she definitely does!
    Lol maybe this should be a post on my own blog – it was long!

  12. I believe my husband is my best friend ! Right now I am in a transition period of cultivating new friendships. I asked the Lord for friends and He has answered my prayers.

  13. I really love this ,and as a mom who has recently moved to Uganda, this has been on my heart! I love your outlook and practical tips. My closest friend is, Christina. We have known each other since 7th grade and stuck together through everything. One great quality about her is her absolute loyalty. Thanks for linking up!

  14. I have this great friend named Christie. She is awesome and always makes time for me no matter the season. We have fun and we also do the real life stuff together. She makes me a better person.

  15. Friendships are wonderful because they give you someone to commiserate with, someone to help pull you out of your rut, etc. Plus, they give you someone to have fun with and just be you. Great post on how to find and keep these friendships 🙂

  16. Great post, Sarah! I just had a conversation about friendships with my teenage son the other day. I was explaining that different kinds of friendships are okay. That it doesn’t mean you don’t like the person or they not like you, if life has taken you down different roads and you don’t see or have things in common anymore. I explained that even the couple of very very close friends of a lifetime live far away now and we often go a long time without talking. They are still friends and I still love them. Or, some of the sweet Mommies I met when our kids were babies and toddlers are still dear to my heart, but I don’t get to connect with them anymore at all. Yet, God brings in new people that we are to care for and invest in for this season.
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori

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