The picture of the Gospel lives in my house. She sleeps down the hall with her sister. The Gospel’s message cries at meal time and giggles at bath time. She is the perfection picture of redemption. Not because of what she is, or even what we’ve done for her.
My child is the image of the gospel because she has shown me grace.
Here I sit. She is asleep in her crib for nap time. We’ve just rocked a little and her crocheted mermaid doll gave her sweet kisses. I looked into her eyes, as they darted away from mine. The crooked smile widened as I handed her “blanky “to her. “I love you” I sign. She returns the sign, “I love you.” Although her eyes are looking heavenward, I know she sees me. And I see her. Oh, how I see her.
I see the sunshine on her face. I see her closing her eyes as the breeze blows the wisps of black hair around her eyes. Her hands once groped in clumsy motions trying to reach for the the toys in front of her. Now, her head bobs forward, looking at them. I see her loving her siblings. I see her nervous around the clumsy dog. I see her loving our mellow cat.
I see her every morning. For five months I’ve waited for her to smile at me in the mornings. When she was first brought home, she would wake up each morning confused and sometimes crying. It was all so unfamiliar. Now she knows. She knows who I am. She knows that I will pick her up, change her diaper, get her dressed, and give her the kisses she’s waited her whole life to get.
Does she see the love that swallows her whole in hugs and kisses? Does she see the way her siblings give up their own desires for her? Does she see the way she has changed the course of our family’s life….in such a beautiful way? Does she see how much she has changed me?
And what I see most is GRACE. So much grace. Yes, she has given me grace. She has been patient with this “new mommy.” She has waited for me to figure her out. Figure out how to parent her. Learn how to soothe her and hold her. How she likes to eat and play. I see the grace she’s given me. But more than that, I see HIS grace.
My God’s grace has reached to the depths of my heart, once again, and said, “I love you.” Sometimes it is a silent chorus in my heart. Barely a whisper. Sometimes I hear it loud and clear as I’m driving down the highway with the radio turned up. Most of the time, I see His love and grace in the everyday. I see it when she smiles at me. I see it when she accepts my hugs after crying. I see it, God. All of Your grace surrounds me in all that You have given to me.
Forgiveness, taking my shame.
Love, letting me fall (again and again).
Grace, still loving me.
My daughter gives me second, third, and fourth chances as I stumble through the parenting of an adoptive child. My God gives me hundred chances as I stumble through life, trying to live for Him.
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