I know all of adoption is waiting, but not all adoption waiting is created equal. We waited for our home study to be finished. We waited for our dossier to be sent to China. We waited for it to be logged in. Now we wait for a match.
I was content to wait, until I saw a little picture. It might just be a picture of a sweet little boy, but for me it might be “the one.” It is hard to know what to think or feel in situations like this. I pray God can give us wisdom. But more than that, I thought I wasn’t anxious about waiting….but here I am again. I check my email every 2.5 seconds. I obsessively ask on Facebook in every adoption group I know, looking for loopholes and ways around the rules. Obsessive waiting is never good for the soul.
Waiting for agencies to talk. Waiting for files to be reviewed. Don’t mind me. My heart is just over here beating fast and wishing it wasn’t involved in all of this waiting. But my heart is in. My head is being sensible and saying: It probably won’t work out. My heart keeps holding out hope. What if it does work out? What if that is my son?!
Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the LORD.” Wait and see God in all of this. My secret prayer all along has been to have a referral (be matched with a child) before Christmas. But you know, I was convicted today because it was a secret prayer – but I’ve not done a lot of praying about it. It was a secret wish – because I didn’t bring it to the Lord often enough.
Today I read read the Advent reading in Isaiah 9:6: “and His name shall be called….Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
I knew the answer to my waiting was found here: in God and who He is – that’s my comfort for today. I began reading the names of God. Wonderful Counselor. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. So my God, who He is, will keep my grounded during these uncertain times. So I decided to pray God’s names for just today.
Wonderful Counselor. Comforting, wise, all-knowing and infinite in knowledge. You are all of these things. You are my comfort during the times of struggle. Give me wisdom from Your word today, as I navigate these waters of waiting.
Mighty God. It seems getting this little boy’s file is impossible. So much would have to fall into place, and I’m so afraid of it not happening – can I believe You are mighty enough to do it? Can I believe you are still the Mighty God who calms the waters of the sea and sets the stars on their paths?
Everlasting Father. No matter what God, you are sure. You are everlasting and Your my Father. O Father, hold me today as I wait for the answers. Waiting is so hard, but you see me here. You are holding me in the waiting.
Prince of Peace. Waiting brings out the worry, and no peace. Give me courage and strength to keep waiting with a calm assurance. Bring peace into my heart, even today. I will have to eventually go to sleep, but let me sleep in peace knowing You have me and this situation in Your hand. Amen.
Wonderful Counselor. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace.
Are you struggling in a season of waiting? Do you find yourself struggling to let go of the worry deep inside your heart? Do you want to pray the names of God as I did?
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