In just a few days my husband and I will leave our four kids behind with our parents. We will board a plane. Sit and watch movies for fourteen hours. Land in a foreign country, with foreign air, sights, and sounds. We will sleep a restless night’s sleep. Wake up and travel in a car to an orphanage. There we will be handed our little boy.
I wrote these words about waiting a few months ago. I wondered, does waiting get easier?
Today begins a week of waiting. I remember feeling this way the first time around with our adoption of L. I was hoping I could avoid this type of stressful waiting the 2nd time around. Alas, here I am again. We will be waiting for a phone call all week. I know it won’t happen today. Today is when the adoption agency gets our letter saying we want to be matched with a certain little boy.
A boy I found on the waiting child list. A boy who did not have the special needs we were open to, but somehow I asked about him. I inquired about him. At sixteen months old the only picture I had was one from four months prior. It showed him standing, which gave me hope.
We opened his initial file and….nothing. There was so little information we had no clue at all what to do. We prayed and sat on his almost empty file until we decided to ask questions. We could submit questions to the orphanage (for a fee) to try and get a glimpse into his progress. Would he be a good fit for our family?
We didn’t have a lot of hope. His special need was SCARY on a piece of paper. I avoided googling it, but with a doctor husband, I found out the worst case scenarios anyway. We wanted for answers and were told they would come in a couple of weeks. At the two week mark we heard nothing. The three week mark came and went.
By the time we had been waiting for four weeks, I had almost forgotten about it. I had convinced myself that this special need was probably too scary and too much for us. We already had a daughter who needed a ton of therapy. We figured we had requested the questions so someone else would see his file and say yes to him.
Only. We said yes to him. The medical terms and the scary surgery and unknowns all disappeared the moment I opened the video from the orphanage. I was smitten. My husband saw it first. He texted me: “There’s a video, just WAIT until you see it!!!!” My husband read to me the answers to the questions over the phone because I was in the middle of mothering and our internet was out, so I couldn’t get online.
From his desk at work, we realized we wanted to say yes. Within just a few minutes we knew. We didn’t even want to think about it. We knew. After I got off of the phone with Jason, I picked up my cell phone and searched for his picture on our adoption agency’s portal.
There it was. The picture I really shouldn’t haven’t seen, because my heart couldn’t handle it. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t guard my heart against the feelings. His face. The eyes and cheeks. The chubby fingers and nose. I was in love.
I couldn’t help it. I needed to send his picture to someone else. I text my mom and then a friend. That was Friday. Today is Monday. It only took a weekend to fall in love with his face and know what I wanted.
We wait one week. We sent our letter of request to be matched on Saturday morning. It will be checked today. But two other families are looking at his file. Two other families submitted questions. Two other families have waited just as long as we have for a match.
Three families. When a waiting child is requested to be matched with more than one family, the agency has to choose which family the child will go to. Whether that’s fair or not is not the issue. That’s just the way it is.
So here I am. On this Monday morning, hoping and praying they say no to him. But why would they? He is perfect. But if they do say yes, I pray we are chosen. We will know by Wednesday if they say yes and probably Friday if we are chosen or not.
So begins the longest week ever. I need so many prayers this week. Oh, and coffee!
Does the waiting get easier? I think because I’ve experienced this type of waiting, it was a little easier. Waiting isn’t ever easy, but it can be less stressful. Waiting can be hard, and painful, and makes us feel empty and alone, but we don’t have to feel that way.
Patience, I tell my children, is waiting with a good attitude. The first time around I didn’t have much patience. My heart and my actions revealed my impatience. The stress and anxiety I felt the first time around are not the same feelings now. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with trust. Trusting the God of all Soverignty to hold it all in His hands. Even the waiting.
No matter where I find myself: on the cusp of waiting, in the middle of waiting, or at the end of the waiting, I am held. I am kept safe and secure in the hands of the Father. A holy and majestic judge will order my life for Good. Not because of me, but because HE IS GOOD.
The difference between now and then is this: I have seen the goodness of God.
“And now arise, O Lord God, and go to your resting place, you and the ark of your might. Let your priests, O Lord God, be clothed with salvation, and let your saints rejoice in your goodness.” 2 Chronicles 6:41
I will rejoice, not in the waiting, but in the goodness of God.
Connect with me!
It is the good that often competes with the best. – Oswald Chambers