When Our Life Feels a Little Off
Today I was noticing our cabinet door below our sink in our half bath by the kitchen was broken. I stood there and just sighed. It was like the door was exactly how I felt. A little off. It was a great summary of how my life felt. Just a little off. Broken just a little, still functional and still ok – but when you get down to look at it – it isn’t quite working.
I couldn’t figure out why…..
It is day seven of husbands seven day stretch of work. I’m a little frazzled from crazy boys who come home in a flurry from school. I try to catch my breath, only to sit at my desk and wonder what in the world I’m doing. I look at my to-do list and think: what am I missing because there are way too few items on the list today…. I told my husband this morning that I feel a little off. I can’t explain it.
I walked around this morning kind of in a daze. I went through the motions. I don’t know. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I just need to go to bed earlier. The story of my life. Forever ever. I can’t even tell you how much God has been meeting me here, but how He still seems far? Make sense?
Today I’m praying for a closeness again. I let the busyness takeover. And I think sometimes I need a spiritual retreat for me to hear God again. But it can start today. Even wit a full schedule, I can hear God speak. I can see and feel Him move. I can turn up the praise music in the car and let it dorwn out my fears and worries.
On the way to driving the boys to school a song came on. It spoke about filling this place with the Spirit. And I’ms are the author and singer meant church – it was a worship album recorded at a church serve. But I thought. Why can’t I pray that for me right now? Maybe the reason I’m “off” is because God hasn’t be invited into my life yet today.
Sure He’s here. And sure, the invitation is always open. But just because you tell friends: “Come over anytime!” They won’t really take that literally. Monday morning at 9am I don’t get knocks at the door of friends who want to visit unannounced. I have to extended the invitation specifically. Come now. Come at this time and we can visit.
I want to wake each morning saying: God, come into my house today. Stay all day long. I mean it. O Lord, walk these rooms with me. Feel me with your peace and presence as I go about my day. Let me talk to you as I fold laundry. Let me whisper my secrets to you during nap time. I pray you will stay. You are welcome here. Amen.
It says “Jesus is knocking….” Sometimes we take that verse to mean just salvation. For me, I think of it as Jesus asking to be a part of every day. A pray I can see the glorious ordinary in God’s presence in my life – day by day. Hour by hour.
Friend, God’s Word and Bible study won’t always “feel” good. It might feel a lot like work some days. Its ok. Discipleship does contain the word “discipline.” Let’s not forget discipline takes effort. Sweat and blood and tears will sometimes happen when we are digging deep.
As women, our feelings want to be first – but God says “renew your mind.” Let your mind lead and I promise, the feelings will come. From one faulting girl to another remember this truth: keep going. Make the choice, no matter your feelings.
I wrote the following workbook when I realized I had a hard time just going forward in Bible study. My heart wasn’t in it. I created this workbook for me, but maybe you relate too. Let me admit to you: I don’t have it all together.
Sometimes the Bible doesn’t hold the mystery and majesty to my heart. God’s Word sometimes doesn’t spark inspiration or encouragement. Comfort isn’t found in the pages, and when I was struggling with some issues in my life, feeling the anxiety creep into my heart at night, I realized Bible study and Bible reading had become a checklist item.
I don’t know if you are like me, but the sudden realization that God wasn’t speaking to me (in my heart) is a little jolting. So, how do we keep going in Bible study? We start fresh!
Four Ways to Study the Bible Workbook
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