Busy Will Never Give Me Courage
How will I find courage?
The courage to live today. The hard things. The beautiful things. Courage. Be my courage. So courage is not something we muster up. It is something we hold in our hearts. Something to protect, or to recognize.
We are not asking for courage, but asking You to be our courage. – Emily P. Freeman.
God, our refuge, be my courage. I give my heart to you. The courage to face today. To not avoid the hard discussion. The menial takes or to spend time growing closer to You. God. I want to trust you more fully, my fortress. My banner of love, protecting me and watching out for me. And my heart.
In the middle of the day, I find it hard to stop my brain from spinning around my to-do list. I find it hard to rest in the presence of Jesus when there is laundry to put away, lunch to fix, and toys strewn across the floor. When deadlines and projects demand my brain space, I make lists, put it in my planner, make the phone calls, send text messages, and avoid resting.
When I’m avoiding it, I find myself longing for it, but feel like it is a waste of time to stop my brain. To stop my body from moving around straightening up. To look outside and wander about the dolling of the laves and who the sunshine hits their godsend green petals. It seems a waste and I miss the most important thing. I miss His voice.
When my day is filled to the brim with appointments, I feel like every minute needs to be filled with busy. But busy will bust open my heart and leave me bleeding out. Busy never gets rid of fear. Fear will linger in my lungs, my hidden moments, and when I stop to breathe I will feel the fear.
Stop. Breathe in the air. Listen to the instrumental music in my earbuds. To see Him here, beside me and be still. Rest my heart. Breathe in prayer. Plant the seeds of my wishes dreams, worries and stress in the soil. Roll the burden onto Him for the day and breathe. How tall of the trees outside my window. How blue is the sky today. How the wind rules the top branches, but the lower branches are still. The different shapes of leaves. The red and orange and yellow of the leaves as autumn comes into the mountains. To many times I rush through and miss Him.
Only God’s voice will speak louder than the fear. At night, even with the lights on and a fire going, the cold out my window, with the snow frozen on the ground reflect the frozen feelings of fear. Truth. The only warmth to thaw a frozen heart. Truth. Not love. Or sentimental feelings. Truth. God’s truth. God’s truth about His presence.
Lord, be my courage. For I know why I don’t want to stop. I will stop and feel the fear. I will feel again. The anxiety and depression and I will worry. My mind and brain and my body has to be moving so I don’t feel the anxiety. The fear. Be my refuge. Cover my fear. Wrap around the courage to be restful. It takes courage to be still. It takes courage to rest and let your mind focus on the sad, the scary, and it takes effort to get deep and let God do the hard work of healing. Amen.